im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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