nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
