oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
