You were right. It hurts to walk today.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have aggressive nipples.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
