if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
