you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
