you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
