I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
