Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
