If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My vagina is officially offended.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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