If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do you have feelings for this penis?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
