i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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