Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
