First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
