I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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