Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
