I think i peed on brittanys purse
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
