My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
