So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
where am i from again
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
