burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
