Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
