She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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