Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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