My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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