apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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