dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I had to cum in my sink.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
