I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
wow bdsm is so cute
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
