Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
