do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
