i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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