Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
