My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
