My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
