found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i now understand why vodka
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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