umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
