we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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