I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
