i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
