I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
