Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
