We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
