So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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