I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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