last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
