It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
