first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
