the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
