Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
