So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
