i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
