I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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