it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
