Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
