What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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