it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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