he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
