I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
